How to take back your family’s Christmas
From an article by Happy Families
Christmas is the season that “should” fill us with joy. We are supposed to be relaxing. We are supposed to be spending time with those we love. We are supposed to be indulging just a little bit more than normal in some of the finer things of life.
For some of us, that’s precisely what we do. Christmas is a delight.
Many of us, however, want to love Christmas. We know we “should.” It’s just that, well, we don’t seem to be able to. Time pressure and financial strain combine with big crowds, Christmas feast preparation and relatives. And all of this is exacerbated when there’s travel involved, so sleepovers are required.
We’ve all had that uncomfortable Christmas season where exhaustion rules, everyone is coming over for Christmas Day, and we’re really nervous because of the last big blow up that caused significant friction in the family.
Here are 7 strategies to beat the Christmas Grinch and take back your Christmas:
1. Create Some Structure
If you have an outline of your afternoon or evening, you can communicate some general expectations to everyone. What time will everyone eat? Will gift giving be early or late? Do you have backup activities in case kids start complaining that they’re bored? Are there any traditions or faith-related priorities that need to be locked in? You may not need to have these kinds of things prepared, but by having bikes ready, a Christmas movie downloaded and ready to go, or your favourite walk mapped out, you can redirect people when things get tricky.
2. Practice Acceptance
Your children might groan and moan. Your partner might be apathetic or misaligned with your view. Simply accepting that this is how things are can be a helpful approach for you to get through the day. But it could also be useful for your kids. If your partner views things differently to you, see the world through their eyes. What does it mean to them to have family around? Why do they respond the way that they do? How can you support them to get through these challenges better?
3. Craft Your Joy
What brings you joy at Christmas? A favourite meal? Cuddles and gifts in bed with the kids on Christmas morning? The opportunity to decorate and cook? Create the space to find your moments of joy and bliss during the lead up and on the day. This Christmas, choose gratitude, forgiveness, service, and connection. This Christmas, choose joy.
4. Assume the Best Intentions
Perhaps your father-in-law says offensive things, particularly when he’s had a drink or two. It may offend your sensibilities. But in all likelihood, he’s trying to share something important to him. He believes he is right and wants you to realize his ways. The same applies to comments on the garden, the cooking, the kids… in their own clumsy way, your relatives are trying to be helpful by pointing out all of your faults and everything that’s wrong with the way you live your life. They are trying... Assume the best intentions, and you’ll find it easier to stomach.
5. Find Ways to Serve One Another
As we serve others, our love for them increases. And as our love for others increases, we desire to serve them more. Find joy in your service to your family. Express appreciation to them for taking the time to be with your family when they could have chosen alternatives at Christmastime. As you serve them, watch their appreciation. Feel the love. Do it willingly without expectation and feel the way it shifts your heart.
6. Heal Wounds
There is something deep inside each of us that desires closeness with kin. We are biologically and psychologically predisposed to want to connect with family, share involvement and experiences, and simply be together. When those relationships rupture, Christmas time and other festive family occasions can be isolating. Wounds can fester. Sometimes the best way to make family feel close is to swallow our pride, acknowledge our faults, and say sorry. Unconditional apologies (where we don’t demand that our apology be met with another one from them) heal families and make being together joyful.
7. Serve a Higher Cause
When we come together with a common purpose, particularly one that is deep and meaningful, difficulties can be overcome, and relationships can be strengthened. Some families use Christmas as a time to donate to a cause together or volunteer in the community. Some choose to work as a family to decorate with Christmas lights that bring delight to the neighbourhood. And for those with a faith background, service through religious participation can also bind families and strengthen relationships.
When all else fails...
These 7 strategies can bring families closer at Christmas. But sometimes, regardless of how hard you try, family functions are just too hard. You may not be able to get along. When this happens, the following ideas might help:
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Stay polite. Just grin and bear it. It will all be over in a few hours (or days if they’re staying)
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Set your expectations low. It’s the secret to happiness. Low expectations mean that if things go the way you expect, it’s not a disappointment. But with low expectations it’s easier to be pleasantly surprised
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Set boundaries.
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Set up your day so that some “unexpected” friends drop by at just the right time to ease the pressure. A visit from a friend or neighbour will lift everyone’s mood, give you some respite, and encourage your family to be on their best behaviour.
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Cancel it. Sometimes it might actually be too much. If you just can’t face it, don’t.
Ultimately, no one can ruin Christmas for us. We get to decide. Sure, our family might have their quirks and challenges. But we are the ones who decide whether we will be annoyed. We are the ones who decide whether to take offence. We are the ones who decide our response. Your relatives don’t make you angry. You choose to be.
This Christmas, choose gratitude, forgiveness, service, and connection. This Christmas, choose joy.
Read the full article here.
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From an article by Happy Families, 03/12/2024